Seven Things You and Your Dog Don't Need

It isn't quite so cold this week but the snow is so deep in the back yard that I can barely keep my head above it. No zoomies for me. So more indoor time. Sigh.

Here some weird things I found online today.

If you smell like peanut butter
and I am in a GOOD mood.

Custom nose print pendant
priced by the size of your dog's nose.
This one is a Great Dane so costs $170.
This is just plain weird.

Dog lips dog toy should never be fetched.
Bury them in the in the woods.

Cat battle armor is only $500. Yikes!

I am not a fan of dressing up your dog.
But this dynamic duo looks pretty good.

Hey! This looks like me!

Dog scratching post?!!
There's even a video demonstrating how to claw.
(This looks like Stuart...thank goodness he has no claws.)

Hold the Ketchup

I know - the joke's been done. And I have said before that buns should be banned. But come on! It's a puppy. A baby wiener dog. In a real bun. Ah!

But what really makes it funny is the perky alertness of said puppy. It isn't a good gag with sleeping, trusting puppy.

Run away, little guy!

source

Other dachshund posts:
Ban the Buns
Just Because You Can...

A Rug for Everyone

My Susan took Boy#2 to the orthodontist to get some appliances. I was expecting a new toaster oven or a crockpot. Wishful thinking, I guess.

I think Boy#2's teeth look fine.

Not as nice as mine, of course. He'd never be able to hold on to a squirrel.

While they were waiting for the new appliances at orthodontist, Susan came across this picture in a magazine and thought of me.

I chose not to be offended. I haven't peed on the floor in a long time. Not since I was a frazzled new adoptee in a strange new land.

But this fellow surely looks regretful. I think that's why they named the rug design "Reflections."Although the pattern also does such a nice job of looking like reflecting pee puddles.

I also appreciate the power of the guilt trip. "Our Looms. Your Legacy." (Dog pee is pretty hard to get rid of...)

I am not sure who would want a dog-pee patterned rug. But there are a lot of rugs in the world that are pretty odd.

In case you don't have a real dog to trip over constantly.                 source

Don't you want to bounce on the yolks?                                               source

I like to watch Susan cringe when she looks at this rug.
Is it because she is done, done, done with March?
Or simply her deep aversion to the anarchy of
a truck driving across a white, indoor rug?                                        source

Boy#1, on the other hand, would love this rug in his room.       source

Here's one for Dave. He knows why.

I know our Grandma Elizabeth would love this rug.                        source

Here's one for Uncle Andy.                                                                source

Boy#2's rug request.                                                                       source

And finally, a rug for Carmella!

I wish this was me...it sure looks like Stuart.  source

As you can probably tell, we are trapped in our house by March freezing rain and sloppy ice. Clearly, Susan doesn't want to do taxes or vacuum. Happy, Saturday!

Global Warming

Gather round this lovely fire pit and tell spooky global warming tales to the kids.

The Third Rock Fire Pit can be yours for just under $1500.

It would also be a perfect way to roast hotdogs at the Sherwin Williams Paint employee picnic.

I think I prefer it without the fire...

Yodel-Crushing Use of a Shaver

Best Thanksgiving Hats EVER

My Susan's friend Susan has an excellent sense of humor and is a fine seamstress too! She also has a very sporting family.

Best Thanksgiving hats EVER!

Happy Thanksgiving!

AT-AT Dog

I didn't manage to post a Halloween howdy this year. I was too busy barking at those pesky trick-or-treaters. They just kept coming! In the end, I was a good dog and I drove them all away. It took me a few days to recover. 

Here is my pick for best costume. I don't really approve of dressing up fellow canines, of course. But I do enjoy seeing Dave laugh so hard wine comes out his nose. And a good Star Wars reference always pleases Boy#1 and Boy#2. Like the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag, this AT-AT costume for an Italian greyhound is just about perfect.

AT-AT dog by Katie Mello

I am sure Katie's dog Bones got plenty of treats for putting up with her artistic endeavor - so don't bother commenting that he looks stressed. Greyhounds always look like that.

You wanna see stressed? The temperature is dropping and I know that my stoopid winter coat is lurking somewhere.

dog clothes are stoopid

Puli Rug

Here is a lovely rug for Puli lovers.

Like the Shar Pei Chair, this is a delightful intersection of design and essence of dog.  

I am not sure how one would vacuum this rug - but who cares about such nonsense? I can't decide if that is accent pillow on the righthand chair or a lap dog. I haven't the faintest idea what those white things on the table are. Hopefully coconut puffs.

Pulis are Hungarian herding and livestock guarding dogs with corded, virtually waterproof coats.

Puli in action. 

Shar Pei Chair

I came across this divine chair in Sunday's paper.

Grinza armchair by Campana Brothers for Edra

I am sure these Campana Brothers had Shar Peis in mind when they thought up this design.

Shar Pei puppies                                              credit

Shar Peis are fighting dogs. They have all that wrinkly skin so they can wriggle out of their opponents' jaws. I'm not really sure why a chair would need this feature. But if I was a Shar Pei and my family bought this chair, they would NEVER SEE ME when I snuck up to take a nap! 

However, I am not sure I could stand listening to them looking for lost remotes...

Loafers

Why yes, I would be happy to fetch your slippers!

Sorry, this flavor...err...style of bread shoes is SOLD OUT
but there are other styles available for just 62 €.

Thank you to my foodie friend Hillary for pointing me to this fabulous footwear!

Decorating Gone to the Dogs

Yesterday my Susan and I were basking on the deck flipping through catalogs. Well, she flips and I pretend I am not interested. She thinks I am staring at her cheese and crackers. I had to suppress a bark of delight when I spied the knick-knacks offered in the Pier One catalog. This is home decorating I can understand!

Be sure to click to enlarge the image to see what had my tail wagging.

While it is a bit disappointing that prairie dogs are not available in all stores, it is refreshing to find a retailer with a sense of humor.

What Not To Wear To the Dog Park...Lady Gaga

I am not sure how I missed this one and it is probably old news. But the meat dress Lady Gaga wore to accept the "Video of the Year" award for "Bad Romance" at the MTV Video Music Awards is spectacular from where I sit.

I would like to invite Lady Gaga and her meat dress to the north social area this Sunday at Battle Creek Dog Park. She will be very popular. I promise.

credit

credit

While I would be thrilled to get close to such a delectable dress, Cher doesn't look so sure. And did they cover m'lady's theater seat with plastic?

More Bad Buns

The Star Tribune ran a great little article on Bad Ideas in Beauty. It includes those fish that eat your feet (not piranhas, something gentler), a lip vacuum to puff out your lips and a car that will pump vitamin C into your cab to improve your skin.

The funniest one of all was Booty Pop Panties which are guaranteed to enhance your ho-hum bum.

Booty Pop Panty, a Wonderbra for butts

"These panties, " reports Kristen Tillotson, "perhaps inspired by the Guthrie Theater's cantilevered bridge, have cheek pads that make your bottom appear to stick up and out farther than it does au naturel."

So it seems that dachshunds are not the only ones wearing bun enhancers.

Ban the Buns

Today was a glorious autumn day at the dog park. The air was crisp and bright. The humidity vanquished. And the snow flurries I saw last week were back to biding their time. It is only September, after all.

Folks turned out in droves today to enjoy the weather even though it was midday Wednesday. Probably more than a few faux flu call-ins to avoid the office. A fine day like this makes for packs of lucky dogs!

One of the more amusing sights at the dog park is the man who rides his mountain bike round and round (everyone else walks or runs). He goes very slowly and is very courteous not to run anyone down. He really can't go that fast because he is leading his pack of two miniature dachshunds who, even at flat out run, are hard pressed to keep up with him.

They never stop running. Those dogs are in fantastic shape - sleek and all muscle. But it makes me laugh when they skid around a corner, running pell-mell after their bike escort. They have really stubby legs.

I wonder why the man doesn't care to get his own exercise at the same time - he really isn't getting much of a workout at his rate. Sometimes I wonder if his mom sent him out - or his girlfriend - and this is his way to getting the job done without too much effort. He looks a bit bored. The dogs do not. They look ecstatic.

The man has two baskets on the back of the bike and I imagine he loads his dachshunds up to peddle them home.

Dachshund means badger dog. They are hounds - like me. And other than the stubby legs, I can see the resemblance.

A dachshund

A fine hound mix (me)

Dachshunds didn't always have such short legs, of course.

Old-style dachshund showing the longer legs. 

Walter Rothschild Zoological Museum, Tring, England

But shorter legs and elongated bodies make it easier to fit in tunnels. Dachshunds are known as fearless - they'd have to be to go face-to-face with a badger in its burrow. 

Dachshunds got more guts than me.

I would not want to meet this character in a dark tunnel.

Like me, dachshunds are also fine runners - those deep chests house good sets of lungs. Believe it or not, they were also used to hunt foxes and even wild boar. In fact, dachshunds are the only hounds who are multi-talented enough to hunt well both above and below ground.  

But let's face it, dachshunds are one of those breeds whose cuteness interferes with their real calling. Check out the number of humiliating dachshund YouTube videos, if you doubt. They get stuck in baskets and buns far too often.

Buns should be banned.

And all condiments of any kind.

My neighbor who lives across the street is a miniature dachshund. Utgar gets a walk each day from the dad who reads as he strolls slowly down the alley. Utgar gets the full extendable leash to wander. He doesn't get hunt badger or race through the underbrush on a fine autumn day. But at least I have never seen him dressed in a bun.

Poodle Days of Summer

Some people have clown phobias.
Me? Poodles.

Poodles were out en masse today. They were everywhere on my six-mile, morning constitutional. Seriously. I think we counted a dozen poodles and poodle-licious dogs and only three non-poodles -- four, counting me.

I realized, I just don't see poodles out and about all that much. Barking from backs of couches behind plate glass windows, yes. Tucked under the arms of protective owners, yes. But out in the heat, the cold, the rain, the snow or at the dog park? Not so much.

The snappy autumn weather makes us all feel frisky. This fine day obviously called all those poodles and their owners out of their houses for a stroll along the river. It was sunny, breezy and not a lick of that humidity. I don't think I panted once. It was one of the fine poodle days of summer.

As we passed poodle after poodle - which is no easy task, as they are often nasty, barky things that seemed ready to tear out my throat - it got me thinking about poodles as a breed. I admit to having some serious stereotypes to slog through. 

First, are poodles and their like too froo-froo fragile to be out in the true dog days of summer? Or are they just too picky? Maybe poodles don't like to walk like active dogs like me.

My Susan's friend has a little lap dog that simply lays down and goes all conscientious objector at about block two of any walk -- even on the most perfect of days. (I also hear that she goes pee-pee on a little mat-mat in the house-house.) Do poodles have delicate constitutions? Are they hot-house flowers?

After a bit of research - because, frankly, I don't know any poodles well -- I've decided that poodles may well be one of the most misunderstood breeds out there.

I think their cuteness and non-shedding coats get poodles them selected for duty by people looking for cute widdle doggies that won't mess up their house. (Ironically, poodles apparently have a very high "marking" drive so they may well cause some serious havoc in white carpet abodes.)

Poodles are actually very active dogs and require very active owners. In fact, poodles are hunting dogs. Water retrievers. Think lab or spaniel.

It does look funny, doesn't it?
It is time for me to re-think the poodle.

That silly haircut? The puffy pom-pom "poodle clip" was actually, according to the American Kennel Club, "designed by hunters to help the dogs move through the water more efficiently. The patches of hair left on the body are meant to protect vital organs and joints which are susceptible to cold." 

The poodle-do actually serves a practical purpose. Who knew?

And poodles are actually razor smart. We're talking second-only-to-border-collie intelligence. Poodles excel in obedience training. There's a reason circus dogs are poodles - beyond the fact that they look better in tutus than hounds - they can learn to do amazing things.

Yet the poodles I see in public are, as a group, among the most obnoxiously ill-mannered creatures on the leash - straining and barking and jumping on people and dogs. (I'm mostly talking medium and toy poodles, not standard. Standard poodles are big dogs - such behavior would not be tolerated.) My Susan has been bitten by a dog only once in her life. You guessed it - he was a poodle.

So, if it isn't that poodles are dumb or hard to train, then that pretty much puts their bad behavior back in the laps of the owners. What a surprise.

Poor poodles.

I feel bad for poodles. Poodles are noble hunters asked to be couch cushions, teddy bears and fashion accessories. No wonder they are cranky. I will try to be more sympathetic when I pass them on a fine summer day.


Note: I always thought  the "dog days of summer" described days that are so hot and humid that the dogs just lounge around and pant. But the "dog days of summer" actually comes from the ancient belief that Sirius, also called the Dog Star, in close proximity to the sun was responsible for the hot weather. I like my idea better.