Door Manners for All

I am pretty good dog. For the record, good dogs are supposed to guard their territory and their pack. That was a big reason why canines and humans started hanging out together - an early warning system for humans (and free food for dogs).

So yeah, I bark at people at the door... or near the door...or across the street if they look creepy. And heaven help you if you want to come in the backyard.

There is no reason I can think of for non-pack members
to come into my backyard.
Except for neighbor Mike. He's OK.

Let me be clear, I am an excellent guard dog. I have a deep bark of authority. When I bark at visitors I am 100 percent effective. Folks who don't belong here ALWAYS leave. Sometimes it just takes awhile for them to get the hint.

Convincing a gal like me to NOT bark at visitors is pretty challenging. I find it baffling that my family doesn't seem to want my services. They are no good at guarding the house. Most of the time they don't even notice someone is at the door. So it mystifies me that they have been working at modifying my guard dog behavior since I got here.

At first, this is how it would go.

Stranger at the door: Knock knock

Carmella: BARK BARK BARK!
Agitated family member: NO BARKING! NO! NO!
Carmella: BARK BARK BARK! BARK! BARK!
Angry/exasperated family member: NO BARKING! STOP! BAD DOG! BARK BARK BARK BARK!

OMG! Obviously, my peeps were very upset about visitors too. Someone's at the door! BARK BARK! The whole pack goes BARK BARK BARK! 

Clearly I was right. Visitors are BAD NEWS and everybody should bark until they leave.

Please note: my pack would get so wound up about visitors, they'd get confused and end up yelling at ME. Every time someone came to to door, I ended up in the dog house. Very stressful. And proved me right! Best to keep pesky visitors at bay...

Clearly, we had to come up a with door warning system that would please the whole pack. Now, when we have visitors, this is our new routine:

Stranger at the door: Knock knock
Carmella: BARK BARK BARK!
Calm, relaxed, cheerful family member: Good girl! Someone is here. Thanks for telling me. Now, in your bed. Go lay down...
Dog goes to her bed (reluctantly) which is away from the door and WAITS (on alert in case she is needed).
Relaxed family member (with treat in hand): Stay!
Door opens, family member greets stranger and then either:

1. talks to stranger and makes them GO AWAY (then the adorable, waiting dog gets a treat) or 
2. invites visitor over the threshold - transforming them to welcome guest (sort of welcome). Dog gets a treat, dog is invited over for a brief sniff, dog gets another treat from visitor, then dog goes about her business until needed.

It is hard to wait and trust my family can protect the pack.

This might seem complicated. And indeed, it is hard to train all the family members to do all the steps well. It is hard for me to let go and trust my pack can defend our territory. It is hard for my family to remember that I am a good dog doing my job -- they should NOT yell and bark at me. For success:

1. They need to remember to be armed with treats (we keep them by the door) so I have a positive focus. 
2. They need make the visitor wait behind a closed door while I settle into my bed -- which is hard for them as they were taught not to make people wait. 
3. Then they need to keep enough of their attention on me to be sure I stay put until I am invited over. (I hate this part)
4. All the while, they need to coach the visitor to ignore me. Do not stare at me! I don't like stranger hands all over my adorable ears.  I just need to sniff the visitor and give the "all clear" to my pack. 
5. People need to get past their stereotypes about dogs: I don't want to make friends - live and let live is as good as it gets. Not all dogs are extroverts... Leave me be... unless you have peanut butter and will scratch my back (but that comes later...much later...)
6. Most importantly, everyone's behavior must exude positive calm. We LOVE visitors. Thanks for letting us know we have one, Carmella. What a good dog!

Whew!

Why so much effort? Because I don't rule the world and so visitors are apparently inevitable. As my pack practices this door ritual, things are more peaceful at our house. We now have a permanent sign on our front door that says:

Dog in Training
Please be patient.
Help me with my door manners.

I  must lie down and stay for the door to be opened.

• Do not greet me
• Just ignore me
• Do not bend over me(it scares me).

If I am good, I will get a treat!

Obviously, I did not write that silly sign. But did I mention I get treats?

Puppy Play

One of the main reasons to go to a dog park is to play with other dogs. Many dogs play nicely with others and the dog park offers a great selection of playing styles. With Colt, I like to body slam (I am the only girl he'll play with because I don't snarl at him when it gets a bit rough - I just run faster). I explore, bound and gently wrestle with Emma - she's my soulmate. Ella and Stella are always good for a run. And I never pass up a chance to play with a puppy. 

Emma is always game!

Mind you, puppies can be tough at the dog park. People bring them before they are ready - the people, that is. Most people are smart enough to leave the really young ones at home as the dog park is no place for infants. But I have found that many puppy owners are new owners and don't really understand dog play. They can be nervous - protective of their charges and also self-concious of their puppies' manners. They often rebuke their pups for being rude when they are just being pups. Yet they freak when the older dogs rebuke their pups to put them in their place. But I love pups and I think it shows so most folks let me play with the youngsters.

Puppy/adult dog rules are different. Good grown-up dogs don't hurt puppies even when puppies get out of line. We may bark or growl if those really sharp puppy teeth hit a tender spot. But mature dogs understand puppies are puppies. We give them a lot of latitude. That said, dog play in general can look dangerous to newbies. But to a trained eye, it is easy to sort out the fun and games from the worrisome.

Watch these video clips* of Gracie, a Corgi/Beagle pup (ten months) and me playing. Notice I am on the ground and she is in the dominant position the whole time. That is my choice, of course. Everyone knows who is in charge here. It should be noted that wrestling adult dogs should take turns as submissive/dominant or it ain't play. But puppies have to learn all the rules and that takes practice. So they get pretend they are powerful. 

In another year, Gracie might be another bossy little Borgi and I wouldn't be down in the dirt with her biting my face. But today, she's a hoot!

*The real reason Susan took this video was because Gracie is goofy looking version of me. She actually meant to take photos but is still pretty clueless about her new iPhone and took video by accident. I promise her skills will improve. Otherwise I might have to take her new iPhone and bury it.

Fence Me In

Some folks are ticked that they are fencing the dog park up in Shoreview. The current users say the fence will change the character of the park. Because basically, they worry that now ANYBODY with a dog will come.

Battle Creek dog park social area

I've heard it before. We started going to Battle Creek dog park right before they fenced it. I heard the laments as Tree Trust youth pounded over a mile of posts and stretched the mesh to separate, divide, and civilize. Before, only dogs who were reliable off leash would brave the thirty acres. After, any dingbat could come and let Fido rip. And they do. And  it did change the character of the park. We certainly started going more often.

It must have felt that way as the West was "won" and the frontier closed. Each wave of "civilization" bringing more and more rules and laws and manners. Lots of eager folks arrived, adapted and tamed the once wild and wooly frontier. Those who couldn't bear to be fenced in simply moved on in search of freedom in untamed wilderness.

There is precious little wilderness left in this country. Any bozo can climb any mountain -- leaving behind his pesky pack of water, rain gear and common sense. He has a cell phone to call for a pick-up if the going gets rough! And anybody can let their dog loose in the confines of a fenced dog park.

You mostly see the newbies on weekends after waffle time. Often they are groups of friends or families who are thrilled to have a safe space for their dogs to stretch and delighted about the idea of doggie friends.

You can spot the newbies easily enough.

• Newbies are often on high alert -- not sure if Rover will ditch them at the gate. 
• Newbies don't really get the double gate airlock system or the etiquette of giving space to dogs in transition. 
• Newbies keep the leash on after entering the dog park thinking it will give them a chance to warm up. 
• Newbies don't bring poop bags and think nature will take care of it -- it's the woods! 
• Newbies do bring treats thinking it will keep Bowser by their side. You can tell the treat bearers because of the large fan club that mobs them (OMG - I LOVE NEWBIES). 
• Newbies bring Barfy's favorite ball and get cross when it goes communal. 
• Newbies are uncomfortable with mud and water and mutter about baths. 
• Newbies bring cute little bottles of water with fold down, personal sipping troughs. People: duck water tastes better. Enough said.
• Newbies are uncomfortable with butt-sniffing and gods forbid Punky gets mounted! Bad dog? Please.
• Newbies bring too-young pups and get angry when they get rolled and mouthed by the grown-ups. For the record, we'd never hurt a baby -- even when she uses those sharp little teeth on us!
• Newbies infantalize their toy breeds by scooping them up in terror when the bigger dogs approach. Listen people, a dog is a dog - we'll work it out. 
• Some rare newbies dress their dogs in clothes. Dog coats don't last long at the dog park - leave them in the car. The poodle in the cheerleader suit was wrong, wrong, wrong! And everyone watching, dog and human, was hoping it would get shredded ASAP. Poor poodle.
• Newbies try to greet and pet every dog they meet. Tip: Like parents at a middle school dance, you are invisible!
• Newbies bring toddlers and little kids who want to hug all the dogs. Seriously people, at the dog park, dog play rules apply. Dog play involves body-checking and lots of slobber. And no, you cannot pet me. I am busy.
• Newbies even bring strollers with strapped-in sticky-sweet babies dusted in crackers (Let me help you with that...)

But are newbies the wrong kind of people? Of course not. They are just new. The quickest way to assimilate new people and teach them the social mores of the established group is to welcome and enfold them.

When we were new, my Susan watched and talked and watched some more. She learned the dog park rules and all the nuances of dog and owner behavior. She chatted, asked questions, and made mistakes. And dog people welcomed her. Now we are some of the Regulars.

Dog people at dog parks are much like dogs. They appreciate the pack. They find their place at the park and there is something for everyone. Some like to sit in chairs and chat in the social areas. Others throw the ball endlessly -- man and dog in never ceasing cycle. Many plug in, move fast and do double duty exercising. Others skirt the edges to find the space or time of day to roam the woods alone with their canine.

If people and their dogs are are completely unsocialized, they wouldn't come to a dog park in the first place. Or maybe just once. If your dog is not behaving, don't think folks won't tell you to get some control or go home.

Certainly an unfenced dog park attracts the owner elite whose dogs always come when called and never bolt after squirrels. They work hard to have good dogs. It is fun to find a compatible group of like-minded folks who know the rules and possess the skills. Black diamond skiers sure don't want the mountain smoothed down so the bunny hill folks can come ski with them.

If you have a social group you love, it is hard to open it up to the riff-raff. A loud mouth who only reads the Cliff Notes can ruin your book group. A crabby complainer can send your walking group running for cover. A toy-hoarder can throw off the most easy-going gathering of canines. And a surly dog/owner pair can certainly ruin a pleasant park outing.

But while it would be a hoot to run with a whole herd of Carmella clones, I appreciate my dog friends of all shapes and sizes. I love Emma and Colt and Ella and Turkey and Stella and Lucky. And I am pretty sure none of them would come if there wasn't a fence.

So go ahead, fence me in!

Keep It Short

Every leash law in the country that I have ever heard of requires a six foot leash. Not an eight foot leash - even though that would be much safer when hiking in the mountains.  Ever try to stay out from underfoot of a pair of hiking boots with a human scrabbling down behind you?

Observe: the six foot leash.

Six feet is the length of leash that allows a person to pull a dog back from danger or from being dangerous, if they are paying attention. Used responsibly, a six foot leash tells everyone around them that they won't get jumped on or have their butt sniffed -- which I have noticed is not popular with most people.

Two dogs meeting on six foot leashes know it is an even playing field. It may not go as smoothly as when we are both unleashed and can practice dog manners unfettered. But it is better than having one dog on a short leash while the other roams free or dorks around on an extra ten feet of string.

Six feet does not allow a dog to shoot off like a rocket thinking she isn't leashed  -- only to be yanked off her feet when she hits the end. That hurts!

And six feet leashes are made of wide, non-cutting webbing or leather that doesn't hurt like the dickens if it gets tangles around a limb or other body part. No one enjoys that.

Well, duh, you say. What leash would allow dogs to go crazy and jump on people, make dog meetings tense and threaten to dismember you if it gets wrapped around your ankle or finger?

Meet the retractable leash.

Up to sixteen feet of cord is available. Supposedly braked by your thumb. 

How does it work? As Amazon.com describes one such product:

"Once Fido is leashed up, the cord moves in and out freely with the release the trigger. Squeezing the brake trigger stops the cord again when the pooch is at a comfortable distance. The brake also locks (and unlocks) quickly with one hand to keep your canine cohort at the perfect distance thanks to a handy locking lever. When it's time to reign in* Spot, you just hold out your arm in the direction of your dog, pull the brake trigger and lower your arm to your side to pull him in, releasing the brake trigger and repeating this step until your dog it at the desired distance."

*Carmella's correction: the proper term is "rein in" - as in pull back on the reins -- not "reign in" which implies some sort of evangelical ministry goings on. 

I understand the whole point is to give Fido more room to roam. You believe, rightly so, that dogs deserve to be able to sniff and explore. And you would expect Miss Carmella to be jumping for joy at this concept. But even if retractable leashes weren't painful and dangerous - which they are (check out the horror stories at the Consumer Reports safety blog) -- retractable leashes are one of those products that serve the individual and not the pack.

There are plenty of products and behaviors that we all desire for "me and only me" - the rest of the world be darned. I am not talking about a tasty bone -- my ownership causes you no pain other than jealousy (seriously though, take a step back!).

I am talking about products and behaviors of the few that threaten the balance of happiness of the many. Boom boxes on the beach. A me-only pass for the sane lane. Public human nudity (not that I'd care). Reaching into to bulk bins to snack at the co-op or double-dipping your chips at a party (again, I personally wouldn't be bothered but I search for meaningful examples for you). Backyard fireworks lasting into November (just buy less next Fourth of July -- sheesh!). I could go on and on and so could you.

Who doesn't, deep down, want to be the only one allowed to disregard the rules while everyone else follows them? I'll bet you hate everyone else talking on their cell phones while they drive... but do you really pull over to answer yours? Really?

The fact of the matter is that a dog that is trained has no need for a retractable leash. We can trot alongside just fine on six feet. And you can stop and let us sniff when we feel like it (aHEM, Susan).

A retractable leash doesn't give dogs more exercise. You want to give Fido more exercise?  Get your tushie MOVING and put on some miles.  How about you drop that health club membership and devote the time and cardio rate to Fido?

You feel bad for the constraints of the six foot leash? Your dog doesn't want a few more feet of leash. She wants off, now and then. There are plenty of places to run off leash. And don't even get me started about the idiots who use retractable leashes at the dog park. I can't even SEE those darn cords when I bound up. OUCH!

And finally, let's talk about reining in your dog on a retractable leash. If you want to retract the leash, the tension on the leash has to be released for the spring to suck in the slack. There is no crank to reel it in. Fido has to stop while you walk forward or Fido must return to your side.

I don't think I am off my mark to generalize that people using retractable leashes aren't the type to have taught their pooch to heel on voice command. If there is a squirrel and Fido isn't trained, off he goes. There's no reining in happening. All you have is sixteen feet of razor sharp cord ripping to and fro. No doubt, personal injury lawyers love them.

So please, for the love of the human/dog pack and all the social mores that keep it peaceful and safe, lose the retractable leash. Or at the very least, use it when you are very, very alone. But at that point wouldn't you just let Fido run free? He might run away, you say? Get thee to obedience class!


Other post titles considered:

• I Demand a Retraction!
• It's Only Fun until Someone Loses an Leg
• Stop! In the Name of Love - Before You Break Her Neck! 
• A Six Foot Leash Beats Six Feet Under

How Dogs Say Howdy

When dogs say howdy, we dogs focus not on the face but on the other end - where all the profile info is. Dogs, in fact, would never have invented Facebook. We would have invented Buttbook. 

A mutual butt sniff is the equivalent of a human handshake, I suppose. But much more polite... and informative. 

People are terribly squeamish about butt sniffing. I have even seen dog owners at the dog park berate their dogs who are following dog etiquette with dignity and grace. Without butt sniffing, dog parks would be war zones.

We aren't the only ones who find butt sniffing the best way to get acquainted. 

(That dog is not me - even though it looks remarkably like me. We don't have javelinas at the dog parks in Minnesota, to the best of my knowledge.)

To think about dog butt sniffing in another way (and laugh hysterically, if you share my Susan's sense of humor), check out Creature Comforts America: Season One, Episode One in which two men discussing wine become two dogs sniffing another dog's rear. 

But whatever you think about butt sniffing, remember: dog olfactory bulbs are forty times bigger than humans', relative to brain size. So who's to judge?

Don't Touch My Head, I Hardly Know You!

OK, I get it. You want to pat the dog on the head. The dog stands looking up at you and you would like to give a friendly hello. For whatever reason, you would prefer to skip over the polite butt sniff.

Me: An adorable face with liquid brown eyes and velvety ears.

You: Paws with ten digits each, including opposable thumbs, 

all bursting with nerve endings.

You see it as a match made in heaven.

But the dog involved might not really enjoy you pawing at her head. And really, would YOU like it if that was how humans greeted each other? (Hey! Not the hair! Don't smear the glasses! Did you wash that hand?) There is a reason the hand shake was invented.

Dogs most certainly don't greet each other by pawing at each others' faces. Heads contain eyes and noses and are very close to throats - heads are to be protected! To meet strangers head to head would be unnerving and also might involve staring - which is terribly rude, as I have said previously. And human hands going for the head might be instead reaching for the collar which no dog really enjoys. 

So, if I duck or move away when you reach for my head, please try to see it from my point of view. Once we know each other very well, I love to have my ears rubbed - or my neck scratched right under the collar...yeeees... right there. But this is for family. Don't get up in my grill until we are better acquainted!

Don't Stare at Me

As a little brown dog, I think I can help you mind your manners and smooth canine-human relations. Some of my tips for canine etiquette may be well-known - especially if you are a dog owner. But I am amazed how many folks at the dog park still don't understand the basics of manners and common sense.

Let's start with eye contact. American humans are big into eye contact. "Look me in the eye!" parents tell their children.

Let me be clear. Don't stare at the dog. It is domineering. It is intimidating. And it is just plain rude.

If you have a dog handy - preferably one that won't bite you. Try staring intently at her eyes.  She will likely blink or look away within seconds. If you keep staring she will squirm and maybe whimper - or try to distract you with play bow or a lick. Or she might growl or snap. Depends on the dog and your relationship. But my point is, the dog doesn't like an intense stare.

(Now try staring at a cat. What does that gaze MEAN??)

Generally, when two dogs meet and aren't looking for a fight, they would never stare at each other. Or the clearly dominant dog would do - just to enforce who's the boss.

That said, some herding dogs can be tough for fellow dogs to sort out as they are bred to use a "strong eye".  I don't like it. Sheep don't like it either and often comply as soon the herder turns their laser gaze on them. (Bitzer demonstrates).

When I meet herding dogs at the dog park they often stare right at me which makes passing them on the path a dicey business. I am sometimes forced to approach turning my whole body diagonally to avoid the stare. Even play bows don't get through to them. Consequently, most herding dogs make me uncomfortable.

And most herding dogs aren't much fun to play with anyway - they just want to herd. Keep in mind, herding is just modified predatory behavior. I will not be herded.

Dogs do spend a LOT of time watching people. Watching is different. And most dogs do stare to beg. But that's completely different. Begging eyes are pleading eyes -- not domineering eyes.

In general, dog eyes are on you whether you are holding a biscuit or not. Our world depends on reading people correctly. So our eyes follow you constantly to keep up to date on your mood and your plans. But, mind you, we aren't staring to be in charge. Or, if we are, you had better watch out.

So here's the deal: When you meet a dog, turn your head, keep your gaze moving, keep it light. And for goodness sakes, don't lean over me and stick your face in mine to say hi. Don't you try looking into MY soul. We won't bond that way. If a mutual butt sniff makes you uncomfortable, give a scratch to my back or ribs. If I like you, I might even let you scratch my belly.

Be Civilized!

Miss Carmella's Guide to Etiquette: Be Civilized!

It is that time of the year when a winter's worth of indiscretions are laid bare by the melt. I am talking about DOG POO, people.

I know better than anyone how deep and tall those snowbanks along the city sidewalks grew to be this winter. But if left to our own devices, we dogs would NOT poop on the SIDEWALK. There are much better places to go -- if you would just unsnap that leash. But if you insist on tethering us, then understand that sometimes the only place for a dog to relieve herself might have been right there in the path. But PICK IT UP PEOPLE. You are the ones with the thumbs.

I am stunned by the sheer number of poo piles lying half-dissolved where we ALL have to walk. OK, so dogs don't poop in a box like cats - we all know felines are just plain crazy-fastidious. And OK, so we dogs do like to get much closer to our fellow canine's excrement than people care to (the information you can learn from a good sniff is extraordinary).  But we don't want to WALK IN POO any more than the next species (dung beetles not included).

What is so hard about just picking it up?  Bag on your hand, scoop, toss in the trash. Done. You are now a Good Citizen.

One house I walk by everyday with Dave has a giant poster board informing us "YOU ARE ON POOPCAM." I pooped right in front of it. And Dave demonstrated what a good person with an urban dog does. He scooped it up. I hope we get on YouTube.