Amazon's Aunt Mildred Eco Tool

Amazon has just patented a new system for gift returns that allows gifts to be returned before they are even sent - poor Aunt Mildred. They say 30% of all gifts are returned and I know I am not the only pup who hates waiting in the car while my people stand in line at the post office. Not that we have an Aunt Mildred in our family, of course!

Soon people will be able to flag "high risk givers" like Aunt Mildred. Amazon will send an email alerting you to the threat of grouchy smurf lounge pants, a farting fanny bank, toilet mug, or mooning gnome.

With the click of your mouse you can covert any of these landfill items to a gift card, saving countless resources. I suppose the FedEx folks will be sad. Not to mention the gnome factory.

Better yet, they should allow you to donate your gift to a favorite charity like Homeward Bound Dog Rescue Minnesota.

Emily Post's great granddaughter says this gift return system is very impolite. I say burning through the world's resources to produce crap no one wants is even ruder.


OK, Boy#1 says he would love a farting fanny bank. And he says I drink out of the toilet all the time. Touché! Maybe a better example for him would be this page turner.

Or maybe