Breaking Badly

I'm back. Or shall I say, my typist is back and available to assist. My Susan has been "too busy" lately to help a little brown dog get her thoughts posted. New job...blah blah blah.

But now she is laid up with a busted ankle in the dead of winter. I am a huge fan of bones. So it breaks my heart that Susan mashed hers up so thoroughly. No zoomies for her. Heck, she can't even drive until spring.

Merry Christmas, Susan!

It wasn't my fault. Everyone hears she slipped on the ice and thinks I had something to do with it. I wasn't even there. Which is good because I don't think I would have been as grateful to the paramedics as they loaded her up and took her away. FOX News would have loved that headline: "A Little Brown Dog Takes Out Ambulance Team on Grand Avenue."

I just don't think Bones McCoy would approve of 21st century medicine.

Susan came home from the hospital all goofy, smelling funny, with a leg full of metal. Worst of all, she stopped walking me, feeding me, or even letting me out the back door. Good thing we have a pack!

No walkies for Carmella.

Our pack has grown a lot bigger these last weeks. A stream of friends and family come by with food, household assistance, social time, and back scratching...mine, that is. I admit I find the comings and going a bit stressful. But I am trying my best.

The extended pack brought Christmas to our house this year.
I approve. I just wish they weren't all such skilled feeders
these days. Kids are much better at sharing.

The cats are pleased. She thinks they are sweet. But I know better. Now they have round the clock access to her body heat. Sorry Susan, nothing more.

Even with her confinement, it has been hard to convince Susan it is time to get back to my blog. I have been giving her non-stop adorable eyes for over 20 days now.

Pleeease?

Finally, she has relented. So we're back.

I leave you with this link which made Susan laugh harder than I have heard in awhile. I have never seen The Graduate, but she says that one is the funniest. Man Passes Time At Work By Recreating Romantic Movie Scenes With His Boss’s Dog.

Door Manners for All

I am pretty good dog. For the record, good dogs are supposed to guard their territory and their pack. That was a big reason why canines and humans started hanging out together - an early warning system for humans (and free food for dogs).

So yeah, I bark at people at the door... or near the door...or across the street if they look creepy. And heaven help you if you want to come in the backyard.

There is no reason I can think of for non-pack members
to come into my backyard.
Except for neighbor Mike. He's OK.

Let me be clear, I am an excellent guard dog. I have a deep bark of authority. When I bark at visitors I am 100 percent effective. Folks who don't belong here ALWAYS leave. Sometimes it just takes awhile for them to get the hint.

Convincing a gal like me to NOT bark at visitors is pretty challenging. I find it baffling that my family doesn't seem to want my services. They are no good at guarding the house. Most of the time they don't even notice someone is at the door. So it mystifies me that they have been working at modifying my guard dog behavior since I got here.

At first, this is how it would go.

Stranger at the door: Knock knock

Carmella: BARK BARK BARK!
Agitated family member: NO BARKING! NO! NO!
Carmella: BARK BARK BARK! BARK! BARK!
Angry/exasperated family member: NO BARKING! STOP! BAD DOG! BARK BARK BARK BARK!

OMG! Obviously, my peeps were very upset about visitors too. Someone's at the door! BARK BARK! The whole pack goes BARK BARK BARK! 

Clearly I was right. Visitors are BAD NEWS and everybody should bark until they leave.

Please note: my pack would get so wound up about visitors, they'd get confused and end up yelling at ME. Every time someone came to to door, I ended up in the dog house. Very stressful. And proved me right! Best to keep pesky visitors at bay...

Clearly, we had to come up a with door warning system that would please the whole pack. Now, when we have visitors, this is our new routine:

Stranger at the door: Knock knock
Carmella: BARK BARK BARK!
Calm, relaxed, cheerful family member: Good girl! Someone is here. Thanks for telling me. Now, in your bed. Go lay down...
Dog goes to her bed (reluctantly) which is away from the door and WAITS (on alert in case she is needed).
Relaxed family member (with treat in hand): Stay!
Door opens, family member greets stranger and then either:

1. talks to stranger and makes them GO AWAY (then the adorable, waiting dog gets a treat) or 
2. invites visitor over the threshold - transforming them to welcome guest (sort of welcome). Dog gets a treat, dog is invited over for a brief sniff, dog gets another treat from visitor, then dog goes about her business until needed.

It is hard to wait and trust my family can protect the pack.

This might seem complicated. And indeed, it is hard to train all the family members to do all the steps well. It is hard for me to let go and trust my pack can defend our territory. It is hard for my family to remember that I am a good dog doing my job -- they should NOT yell and bark at me. For success:

1. They need to remember to be armed with treats (we keep them by the door) so I have a positive focus. 
2. They need make the visitor wait behind a closed door while I settle into my bed -- which is hard for them as they were taught not to make people wait. 
3. Then they need to keep enough of their attention on me to be sure I stay put until I am invited over. (I hate this part)
4. All the while, they need to coach the visitor to ignore me. Do not stare at me! I don't like stranger hands all over my adorable ears.  I just need to sniff the visitor and give the "all clear" to my pack. 
5. People need to get past their stereotypes about dogs: I don't want to make friends - live and let live is as good as it gets. Not all dogs are extroverts... Leave me be... unless you have peanut butter and will scratch my back (but that comes later...much later...)
6. Most importantly, everyone's behavior must exude positive calm. We LOVE visitors. Thanks for letting us know we have one, Carmella. What a good dog!

Whew!

Why so much effort? Because I don't rule the world and so visitors are apparently inevitable. As my pack practices this door ritual, things are more peaceful at our house. We now have a permanent sign on our front door that says:

Dog in Training
Please be patient.
Help me with my door manners.

I  must lie down and stay for the door to be opened.

• Do not greet me
• Just ignore me
• Do not bend over me(it scares me).

If I am good, I will get a treat!

Obviously, I did not write that silly sign. But did I mention I get treats?

Recycling for a Better Life

I was trying to help out around the house by putting some things in the recycling. But then I read the sorting guidelines. Rats!

Sorry, we do not accept household goods other than clothes and linens.
No appliances
No books, tapes or CDs
No hardware or tools
No games or toys
No kitchen goods
No chemicals or hazardous waste
No cosmetics, creams or nail polish
No computers
No cats

Find a Patch of Spring

More Firepits, Some Death Stars, Always Hot Dogs, and a Volcano

My blogger pal Ms. Sparrow commented on my last post about fire pits featuring burning animals:

"I would rather see a volcano one. That would be awesome! Seeing trees and animals threatened by a forest fire is not pleasant, but I could watch a really active volcano for hours!"

I think she is right. Even though I would never ever want to set paw anywhere near a real volcano, I agree that they are pretty amazing - at least when I've seen them on TV. I wondered if there were any volcano-design fire pits out there. Sadly, no.

This is the closest to a volcano fire pit that I found for Ms. Sparrow:

"Alpenglow" Mountain Sunset Fire Pit

I think the best fire pits feature designs of things meant to be burning hot. 

Like the sun:

"Solar Flare" Custom Fire Pit

Or dancing 'round the campfire at a full moon party:

Full Moon Party Fire Dome

 This is my Susan's favorite. 

She says she would buy this one for our backyard 

or the cabin we don't have (but it is $2000). 

I just hope the creepy people don't come with it...

The Great Bowl O' Fire

Here's a truly epic fire pit! 

 I would want a lever to pull that would make it shoot flames 10-20 feet.
It would keep the partying, peeing college students out of our yard.
And the cats.

Epic Dragon Fire Pit

This is a fire pit for my three Star Wars lovin' boys:

Death Star Fire Pit which is probably fake but funny

I would prefer this Death Star, for obvious reasons. 

Susan says, yeah, and the chocolate would be the death of me. 

Uh huh. I think people make stuff up...

Death Star Cookie Jar

 Dave would like this Death Star even better.

Death Star Ice Sphere

Wait...where was I? Oh yeah. Fire pits...

I don't really like fire. 

But I do like activities involving roasted sausages, marshmallows and the like. 

These dawgs are all for Carmella!   

credit

I leave you with these rather sad images:

Campfire Kids Indoor Camping Gear: 

"Pretend to roast your marshmallows and hot dogs!

Who wants to PRETEND?

Plastic food is pointless.

Use with Campfire Kids Campfire (sold separately)

"Fun for kids who aren't fans of the great outdoors. It brings that play inside!" 

That is so sad. 

Somehow, I just don't think Ms. Sparrow meant this:

Small Nature's Fire Interactive Volcano

Relax by the Fire

I posted awhile back about an unusual fire pit of the earth on fire: Global Warming

Apparently, there are even weirder fire pits to be had.

Here's one of Bambi's dad. I wonder if the other side has Bambi's shot-dead mother.

http://thefirepitgallery.com/

Run! Fire! 

http://thefirepitgallery.com/

Ah! A relaxing underwater scene. Boiled fish anyone? Man, that fish looks like its in pain!

http://thefirepitgallery.com/

As they say on their website: 

"A fire is a great way to spend quality time with your family and friends. Whether roasting marshmallows with your kids on a laid back summer night or spending a romantic evening relaxing by a warm crackling fire, it's a wonderful way to get out of the house and enjoy each others company."

Burn, baby, burn!

http://thefirepitgallery.com/