Saturday, January 23, 2010

Woman Within

I couldn't help overhearing my Susan ranting about receiving in the mail this catalog for plus-sized clothes. She was hollering pretty loud.

"What a stupid name! Woman Within! Somewhere under all that so-called plus-ness there is a woman within. And in the meantime, we have really ugly wrappers for your Woman Without. What is WRONG with their marketing people? I would NEVER buy clothes from such a stupid-named place."

I think she was also sore because someone sold her info as an identified Tall Woman. Now she receives piles of catalogs full of stretch clothes which are utterly useless to her. Not that she's a petite gal, but because nothing plus-sized would ever fit her because she is very TALL and plus-sized does not mean tall. (If she was a dog, she'd make a great Great Dane.)

Susan's hollering didn't end there as she launched into her sub-rant about the fabrics of plus-sized clothes "Cripes! If a gal already feels as big as a couch-- why on earth would she upholster herself in that hideous fabric! What's the matter with people? No one looks good in florals the size of cabbages. Not even furniture!"

And speaking of furniture. there is a whole section of the catalog called Plus Sized Living with products of all kinds for the larger populace. Please don't tell Susan. My ears hurt.

Big John Toilet Seat™
Ergonomic design and roomier contoured sitting surface offers 75% more area than a regular toilet seat. Made from ABS plastic with stainless steel hinges. Slip-resistant. 19" wide from side to side. 1200-lb. capacity. Made in USA. White or Cream. $124.99

Obviously, the designers did not consider how hard this seat makes it for a dog to get a drink!

Pedi Pistol™ Pedicure Tool Now you can have a perfect home pedicure without bending thanks to this motorized tool. With 10 precision crafted heads to remove callouses, trim nails, treat cuticles, shape, file, smooth and polish nails. 10¾"Lx6¼"H.

Look at the ergonomics of this contraption. Can you imagine controlling that thing from that distance? Eeek. It makes my claws want to retract!

Jumbo Universal Remote Control
Puts everything at your fingertips and controls up to 10 audio and video components. Alarm clock, calculator and dual programming modes. Large glowing buttons, tilting back-lit LCD display. 11"Lx5"W. 2 "AA" batteries (not included).

Do I have to point out that a jumbo remote is not in any plus-sized person's long term health plan? And is it jumbo simply to accommodate larger fingers? Or is it so that you feel like a smaller person while holding it?

Double Curved Shower Rod
Extra-wide shower rods let you shower in spacious comfort.

This one doesn't even make sense. How does double curtain rod gain you more spacious comfort? The interior curtain still has to be in the same place. Really, all it would do is make your bathroom more crowded.

(Hey, did I mention that this morning I had to take a B-A-T-H! I know, I know! And I've been being such a good girl. She said I smelled like poo. I'm like: What's your point? Sooo uncool, Susan.)

King Kong Chair
Sturdy and strong, the King Kong chair holds up 800 lbs. and offers maximum comfort, too with an extra-wide 38'' seat, high backrest, and side pocket cooler. Powder-coated steel frame and cushioned polyester khaki canvas compact design folds quickly and fits in an easy-carry 7''x41'' bag. 38''Wx20''Dx38''H. $99.99

I have no issues with the chair. But the name is breathtakingly cruel. I guess they mean it is strong like King Kong. But it easily slips into my mind as a chair for King Kong. Either way, it isn't flattering.

I know our society has a no-holds-barred approach to demeaning overweight people. But wouldn't you think marketing people would be nice to them?


  1. That toenail cutting device really looks scary!
    I can imagine the damage one could do to their toes especially if you're near-sighted.

  2. Any power tool is scary. And one for body parts is terrifying!

  3. And that is some nasty-bad lettering on the Woman Within logo, too... but it's nice that they let the plus size gals get in on using PinkTM, the Official Color of Femininity.

  4. OH my! I am laughing outloud! This is hilarious!