As 2009 draws to a close, I received an unexpected promotion. Until a few days ago, I had been confined to the lowest level of the household-- the floor. Yes, yes, I have comfy beds on every floor. But I am not allowed Up.
If I jump up to say howdy, it is "No!" Try to get a better look of what's on the counter? "Bad, dog!" Seek a comfy spot on the couch? "No! Down!" Snuggle up on the masters' bed? I've never even tried.
I am allowed on the boys' beds and that is very nice. But that can get crowded.
A word about those felines. They go up up up wherever and whenever they choose. They are on the masters' bed, the couch...They stand in front of the TV, they lay on table and lick their fannies. They haunt the kitchen counters when people aren't looking. They lurk. From above.
And cats are gross. They shed and shed no matter what the season. Oh sure, lots is made of how cats groom and clean themselves. But to what end? Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a black furball roll by and I fear they are splitting and reproducing in some sort of feline binary fission.
Note: Binary fission, or prokaryotic fission, is the form of asexual reproduction and cell division used by all prokaryotic and some single-celled eukaryotic organisms (what did I tell you?). This process results in the reproduction of a living prokaryotic cell by division into two parts which each have the potential to grow to the size of the original cell (dear gods, help me!).
It is because of felines that the dreaded vacuum makes such frequent forays out of its closet lair. And have I mentioned the barfing? Not barking. Barfing. The fat one binges and purges like nobody's business. And do I get thanks for cleaning it up? They will even puke on the bed. With the people in it. How is that OK?
Note: Binary fission, or prokaryotic fission, is the form of asexual reproduction and cell division used by all prokaryotic and some single-celled eukaryotic organisms (what did I tell you?). This process results in the reproduction of a living prokaryotic cell by division into two parts which each have the potential to grow to the size of the original cell (dear gods, help me!).
Well, small steps have been made to make the world right. It wasn't even my birthday so I was quite taken by surprise. I was invited Up.
I know, an ottoman is a minor piece of living room furniture. And I understand, it must be covered for the invitation to remain. And, yes, I realize that it is likely more about peoples' feet being cold that my status. But I will take it!
The gold chair.
Ah, Carmella, the comfy chair! How soft and inviting it appears and what torture to have it so near and yet so unattainable! May the Fates satisfy your yearnings and grant this well-deserved elevation to your proper "noble" station in life.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Ms. Sparrow!
ReplyDeleteSeveral laugh-out-loud moments... especially the feline fission and gold chair photos
ReplyDeleteCarmella--you should come down here, where dogs roost on every perch, including gold chairs.
ReplyDeleteIt is now 2011. I have not yet achieved the gold chair.
ReplyDelete