Dew NOT Claws

When my Susan was a kid, back before the days of ubiquitous Internet images, she came across a black and white photo of the Guinness record holder of longest fingernails. That cringe-worthy image snagged itself in her mind as the perfect example of "just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Yet the little picture of the man with meandering nails hanging to his feet also seemed exotic and mysterious. A peek inside a dimly lit sideshow tent.

Back then, there was a sense that the man with the long nails had been discovered. Now it is clear having the longest nails is a commercial pursuit of fame. Record holders are displayed in countless full color photos, covering every angle. Let's face it, the mystery is mostly gone. But I think we all still wonder when we see oddball people. We are perplexed by people who choose to hamper their lives for a questionable sliver of record holder. Life is hard enough with trimmed claws. What possesses people to choose a disability like this? How did they start down such a path?

The new female longest fingernail record holder is also a Vegas singer.

Mostly, my claws get worn down form everyday life. I walk about 3-5 miles a day on pavement and rip around the dog park whenever I can. So it is usually just those pesky dew claws that grow too long and get in the way. As much as I hate Susan snipping at my claws, it is always a relief to get them out of the way so I can get back to running, digging, scratching and other daily dog activities.

How do people of long fingernails take care of everyday life? How do they eat, dress, go potty or drive a car? How have these nails not broken? Human fingernails are pretty fragile compared to dog claws and mine chip away all the time. Maybe there is superglue involved. But that would hardly be fair.

It is rare for dogs to have rear dew claws. But I do.

I wonder if these people started growing their claws because, like me, they loathed getting them trimmed. It is all I can do to concentrate on my peanut butter bribe when I see the claw trimmer come out. It should be noted that I have more claws than the average pup - having rare rear dew claws - so there is even more claw trimming for me to hate.

The male longest fingernail record holder
and the former female longest fingernail record holder
(who eventually lost her nails in a car crash
after growing them for 30 years).

For Susan, questions are overshadowed by the gag factor. She says curling, yellowed fingernails are just plain nasty. I am not so judgemental...I am thinking these folks could deliver a heck of a back scratch.

Goodnight Balloon?

Westin Hotels & Resorts suggest sleeping on a bed of balloons would be a restful, dreamy experience. The above ad is for their Heavenly® Bed which is engineered for a "good night's sleep" which will "reduce stress." Beautiful, sleeping woman demonstrates how this is supposed to look.

When I look at this picture, I hold my breath and pray she doesn't move. If she does, she will fall through the balloons and smother to death. Or they will POP! 

I know this about balloons. I had a very bad experience playing with a birthday balloon some years back. Now I know - balloons are NOT stress-reducers. When I see balloons, I know it is best to slink away and hide on another level of the house. 

I sure wouldn't sleep in Westin's Hellish® Bed - not for all the dog biscuits at Petco®.

Hellhound!

Three Ball Dog

I am not a ball dog. I tried it once and it is not for me. Even the fuzzy balls are a poor imitation of a squirrel. Don't even get me started on the whole fetch thing. But I can still be impressed by my fellow canines' skills. There is no way I could do this!

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Puli Rug

Here is a lovely rug for Puli lovers.

Like the Shar Pei Chair, this is a delightful intersection of design and essence of dog.  

I am not sure how one would vacuum this rug - but who cares about such nonsense? I can't decide if that is accent pillow on the righthand chair or a lap dog. I haven't the faintest idea what those white things on the table are. Hopefully coconut puffs.

Pulis are Hungarian herding and livestock guarding dogs with corded, virtually waterproof coats.

Puli in action. 

Zombie Farmers

While I waited for Boys#1&2 to drop blueberry pancake bits this morning, this article in the morning paper grabbed my attention. 

I found it a chilling article for the Saturday morning Variety section. 

Maybe I have been reading too many of Boy#1's zombie books. But that hand is darn creepy with its undead fingernails. And that chicken wire ain't gonna keep that other zombie in for long!

Susan tried to assure me that it was an article about female farmers, sustainable agriculture and visiting children from a local charter school. 

Poor slob. 

She will be one of the first to go in the zombie apocalypse. "Oh, someone is at the door...I will go see who it is... Aaaaauuuuuugh!!!!"

Further investigation proved my initial suspicions were correct about the nature of this farm. I found these additional photos accompanying the online version of the article. Pretty dark for a "Lifestyle" article.

A new zombie farmer is created and left to season in the field.

Zombie farmers wear pink flip-flops? Who knew?

A zombie farmer probes the leaves for produce to sell
at the Zombie Farmers Market (Sundays 1-5)

Zombie farmers leave their fields to find lunch.

Zombie farmers have not yet mastered the art of peaceful conflict resolution.

Zombie farmers may be taking root at a farm near you.

More American Gothic parodies

A Bakery Worth Visiting

Some of my people were on a road trip this July and found this most excellent bakery. Stop by and check it out, if you are in Ankeny, Iowa. It looks to be a fine establishment.